I love beer. Pretty bold statement I know. Let me go out on a limb here and say that you probably do too. But do most of you really love beer? I mean really enjoy and appreciate the complex properties of a impeccably hand crafted India Pale Ale, Belgian Tripel, Porter, Barley Wine, Amber Ale, German Pilsner, English Bitter, Irish Red, Scotch Ale, Witbier, Hefeweizen, Rye Ale, Gueze, American Strong Ale, Dubbel, Doppelbock, Lambic, Saison or even a Stout? (By the way, Fuck Guinness) The list of styles goes on and on. I’m not saying that having a back yard grill session with you buddies while slugging back copious amounts of cheap, rice enhanced, fizzy yellow piss isn’t fun. That would be down right treasonous to our American way of life. I just wish people would throw off the oppressive and brainwashing blanket of misguidance deep throated to us by the major beer companies in this country. You know which ones I’m talking about. Understandably, I’m sure most of you after catching glimpse of one of those commercials with some bronzed, muscle-packed douchbags frolicking with half naked, airbrushed beauties on a beach having much more fun than you’ll ever have could resist racing to the corner store for a pack of Bud Light with Climato and lime. How can thousands of years of tradition compete with these bastardizing beer companies when the might of American corporate advertising is warping your fragile little minds?

Beer is a simple thing that is easy to screw up. Water. Yeast. Malted Barley. Hops. When combined properly in the right order with care and skill in small batches (micro-brewed) it’s a beautiful thing. I emphasize small batches. It’s the attempt at manufacturing enormous quantities that kills the essence of beer. It’s a living product. It should be treated like any other living thing, with compassion, allowing its unique properties to flourish in the keg, can, bottle or barrel. It can even age like you or me (even though some are better consumed young and fresh like a savory piece of veal). Beer is the new wine. Why is wine treated with such reverence and distinction? How much can you do with some fucking grapes? Meanwhile beer has literally thousands of mind-boggling combinations to explore and nerd-out over. Well I say that its time that the world’s oldest alcoholic beverage is treated with more respect and dignity, wine is for pussies anyway.

Maybe I have your attention now, or your already back looking at porn and drinking a “Heiny”. Well, for those of you who aren’t perverts with the attention span of circus monkeys, I have nothing else now to say but put your taste buds test. You be the judge. If you got some marbles in your sac and your head get out to your local brewery or brewpub and get “hoppy”. If a Pilsner is to bitter for you, pay the beer-tender, turn around, and go back to your flat and fizzy ways.